So I went into my Internal Medicine Doctor yesterday to check up on how I'm doing. She comes into the room and asks me how I think I'm doing... Never a good sign...
Well, I think I'm doing okay. I haven't been keeping up with my Lantus (long acting insulin), but I've been tryihng pretty hard on the Humalog (fast acting insulin). "Well, it's not good. Your last A1c was at a 9. This one is over 13."
I am shocked! I thought for sure it hadn't gotten worse! I was hoping for something better! So we go through all of the regular stuff. I know what I have to do I just don't be able to do it. But my good friend D. had a great suggestion for me. I take Ambien at night to sleep. If I don't take it, I don't sleep. So I don't forget to take my Ambien. If I take my Ambien and tape it to my Lantus, that will remind me every night when I need to take my insulin. Why haven't I done this before? Well... I have my meds by my bed now so that I take them as I'm going to bed and my morning ones are right there ready to go in the morning. Once I'm up and going about the business of the day, I forget to stop and take my meds. So I wanted to put my Lantus by my Ambien. But Latnus HAS to stay refrigerated! DUH! Take the Ambien to the Lantus! It isn't like I can say, "Aww, I don't want to get up and go out there to take my meds. I'm too tired, cuz I can't sleep without them! I don't know what I didn't switch that around years ago.
So... A big thank you to D. You have made my life easier, and healthier, and probably added life to my body.
Going back... "13!" I can't believe it. I'm in shock. I didn't even know what to say. So I'm going back the end of June and we'll see if I have been able to change my numbers. The hard thing is that this isn't a change for three months... This is a new way to live my life. This is a new decision every hour of every day. Do I test now or later? Do I have a cookie that was set out for a light snack? And if I do, do I take the 2 units of insulin to cover it? It would be easier to forego the cookie. Do I go on the walk with my neighbor? What's my blood sugar right now? Will I drop during the walk? Should I eat a quick granola bar? Then how much insulin do I take for that bar? I'll be burning off some of the carbs with the exercize... And we won't even mention what a woman's cycle does to my blood sugars!
Well... You get my point. I haven't been living the life I am supposed to. I need to be more meticulous about my diabetes care. I guess I still struggle with denial at times. Does that ever go away? I hope so. I think I go in phases now. Hopefully this will be a good phase that will stretch out a LONG time. :) So look for my new A1c level in June. We'll see if I go up or down. (BTW, A1c is your longterm bloodsugar levels. They want my A1c to be under 7. Chris has told me that if that happens I get to have another baby!!! as in thats how likely it is that i'll get my A1c that low. :()
Okay, I'm not sure if I can still put coherant thoughts together as my Ambien is really kicking in now. So, night-night!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
300
Chris and I went to see 300 again last night. But this time we went with Paula and David to the IMAX to see it. WOW! What a great movie to have on a HUGE screen! And the sound was so much better... It was a very fun date night!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Eating Disorders
I was reading on Paula's Blog (listed on the right) about how to encourage healthy eating in society and as I was commenting I felt inspired to share my story here.
I have already shared with you that I have Type I Diabetes. What I have not shared is that I have struggled with Diabetic Bolemia for years. What is Diabetic Bolemia? Well, I will try to explain it simply and briefly. Your pancreas creates insulin. A Type I Diabetic's does not. Your body needs insulin to transfer glucose (food) from your blood to your cells. Without insulin, you can eat all the "right" food, and have all of the energy that you need in your blood, but your body can't get it out of your blood. So, your body thinks that it is starving if you don't take insulin. When you are starving, your body starts using your muscle and fat tissue to feed itself. This is VERY bad for your body, and can kill you, but you also loose weight quickly. So, a recently recognized eating disorder is what is called Diabetic Bolemia. A Type I Diabetic can binge all they want, not take insulin, and still loose weight.
I don't really know why this started in my life. Somehow I lost the ability to see myself honestly in the mirror. I always look fat to myself. I have gone from a size 12 to a size 4 being too big on me, and not seen a difference in the mirror. I have only in the last 2 years come to realize my distorted view. For years I starved myself by not taking my insulin, binging and eating copeous amounts of food all the while. It was so easy to loose weight that way. But it was never enough.
I was admitted into the hospital just over 2 years ago for severe depression. While there, I was also diagnosed with an eating disorder. After about one week in-patient I started a 5 week program for ED and Mood disorders. I would arrive at 8 in the morning and leave at 4. We were made to eat healthy breakfasts, snacks and lunches there. We were weighed in each morning, but not allowed to know what our weight was. It was very difficult. Between meals we had different groups and classes. One thing that they taught us was that we could not trust our hunger. We had to follow a Meal Plan, and trust that. The program was very helpful and kept me from killing myself with my ED.
What this program did not do was help me discover where this had come from. Only through God's help have I been able to stay healthy. But a week ago or so, my Mom asked me if I had been loosing weight. "No!" I said, "if anything I've been gaining." Then a day later my husband asked me the same question. "No," I said, "You're just in the mood."
A couple days later I was shopping with TS when I realized that perhaps I couldn't trust my own perception. So I asked her what she saw. She shared with me that the jeans I was wearing were definately looser on me now than they had been two weeks earlier. She was right. I had been at a size 12, I wore a size 8 today. But I don't see any difference. I don't feel the same overwhelming NEED to loose weight. I DO see that through God I am accepted. I DO know that my husband is attracted to me the way I am. So why do I still not see the truth in the mirror?
I think that our current society has so ingrained us with the importance of being skinny (to the point of being unhealthy) that some people can't even see what reality is! How awful is this?!
P asked on her blog, "What if it were harder to get stylish clothes for large sizes? Would this encourage people to live a healthier lifestyle?"
I feel the opposite. What if we didn't see size 0 clothing when we went shopping? Would we not think that we have to find some way to fit into those clothes in order to be pretty and desirable? What if the models that we see in magazines and on TV were a size 10? How would that change the mental and physical health of our population?
I will continue on this journey of seeking health for a long time to come, I think. I wish that it were easier, faster. Going back a few posts, I don't understand why God doesn't just reach down and make everything all better. But then how would I learn...
If you have issues with eating, self perception, weight... I would love to have an on-going support system to discuss triumphs and hard times.
I have already shared with you that I have Type I Diabetes. What I have not shared is that I have struggled with Diabetic Bolemia for years. What is Diabetic Bolemia? Well, I will try to explain it simply and briefly. Your pancreas creates insulin. A Type I Diabetic's does not. Your body needs insulin to transfer glucose (food) from your blood to your cells. Without insulin, you can eat all the "right" food, and have all of the energy that you need in your blood, but your body can't get it out of your blood. So, your body thinks that it is starving if you don't take insulin. When you are starving, your body starts using your muscle and fat tissue to feed itself. This is VERY bad for your body, and can kill you, but you also loose weight quickly. So, a recently recognized eating disorder is what is called Diabetic Bolemia. A Type I Diabetic can binge all they want, not take insulin, and still loose weight.
I don't really know why this started in my life. Somehow I lost the ability to see myself honestly in the mirror. I always look fat to myself. I have gone from a size 12 to a size 4 being too big on me, and not seen a difference in the mirror. I have only in the last 2 years come to realize my distorted view. For years I starved myself by not taking my insulin, binging and eating copeous amounts of food all the while. It was so easy to loose weight that way. But it was never enough.
I was admitted into the hospital just over 2 years ago for severe depression. While there, I was also diagnosed with an eating disorder. After about one week in-patient I started a 5 week program for ED and Mood disorders. I would arrive at 8 in the morning and leave at 4. We were made to eat healthy breakfasts, snacks and lunches there. We were weighed in each morning, but not allowed to know what our weight was. It was very difficult. Between meals we had different groups and classes. One thing that they taught us was that we could not trust our hunger. We had to follow a Meal Plan, and trust that. The program was very helpful and kept me from killing myself with my ED.
What this program did not do was help me discover where this had come from. Only through God's help have I been able to stay healthy. But a week ago or so, my Mom asked me if I had been loosing weight. "No!" I said, "if anything I've been gaining." Then a day later my husband asked me the same question. "No," I said, "You're just in the mood."
A couple days later I was shopping with TS when I realized that perhaps I couldn't trust my own perception. So I asked her what she saw. She shared with me that the jeans I was wearing were definately looser on me now than they had been two weeks earlier. She was right. I had been at a size 12, I wore a size 8 today. But I don't see any difference. I don't feel the same overwhelming NEED to loose weight. I DO see that through God I am accepted. I DO know that my husband is attracted to me the way I am. So why do I still not see the truth in the mirror?
I think that our current society has so ingrained us with the importance of being skinny (to the point of being unhealthy) that some people can't even see what reality is! How awful is this?!
P asked on her blog, "What if it were harder to get stylish clothes for large sizes? Would this encourage people to live a healthier lifestyle?"
I feel the opposite. What if we didn't see size 0 clothing when we went shopping? Would we not think that we have to find some way to fit into those clothes in order to be pretty and desirable? What if the models that we see in magazines and on TV were a size 10? How would that change the mental and physical health of our population?
I will continue on this journey of seeking health for a long time to come, I think. I wish that it were easier, faster. Going back a few posts, I don't understand why God doesn't just reach down and make everything all better. But then how would I learn...
If you have issues with eating, self perception, weight... I would love to have an on-going support system to discuss triumphs and hard times.
Finding more Weekend
So for the past 10 weeks Chris and I have been "organizing" the meals for a marriage course taught at our church on Sunday nights. There have been 21 couples in the course which is really cool... but cooking for 42 people has been a learning experience for me. The hardest thing though is that we thought that we would be finding people to volunteer each week and we'd just be organizing. But, I'm not very good at finding volunteers, as it turns out. So we have been very busy on our weekends. Saturday has typically been spent shopping and prepping food. Chris or I are always working the services on Sunday mornings, and then we're back all afternoon and evening cooking, serving and cleaning up. While this has given us a great sense of accomplishment and fullfillment in serving others, we are very ready for a break and very happy to find ourselves at the end of this session.
What on earth will we do with all of our rediscovered time?! I'm sure it will quickly get filled up with something else. But for now, it is SO nice to think of sleeping in on Saturday morning.
What on earth will we do with all of our rediscovered time?! I'm sure it will quickly get filled up with something else. But for now, it is SO nice to think of sleeping in on Saturday morning.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Whew... its the weekdays!
How many times have you heard TGIF? Today I'm thanking God that it is Monday! Our weekends recently have been so busy! And there is still a long list of things to get done. I suppose that is just going to be the way of it for the next few years. So today was supposed to be my recovery day. And although I am still feeling tired I did have a refreshing day. I am currently about to pass out and I'm realizing my post may not continue in any legible form. Unless, of course you enjoy having things with which to mock me mercilessly at some later date. Just know that I have been thinking of you all, and missing you all dearly and will try to post tomorrow.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Brag Time
So I just had to let everyone know that Rand won an Eagle Pride Award for Second Trimester at school! This is an award given to students for "outstanding achievement in the areas of academics, attitude, behavior, and performance". The teachers have to unanimously agree that he deserves the award. I am so proud! :)
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Diabetes wake-up call
So I just finished reading a post on my best friend's blog about the frustration of diabetes and it reminds me again of a lesson that I learned this last weekend. It took someone else to point it out to me too. It is a good thing that God is persistant in trying to get our attention. Here's the story.
I was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes in the fall of 1996. I had previously had Gestational Diabetes with my first child and was pregnant with my second. I thought for sure the Dr.s were wrong and when I gave birth to my child the diabetes would go away, just like it did the first time. Regretfully, I was wrong. I didn't understand why it hadn't gone away or why God hadn't healed me.
I had learned growing up, that if you had enough faith, God could heal you. I now realize that there is nothing I can do, or not do that "makes" things happen with God. He is the one in control. Sometimes He heals, sometimes He doesn't. The whole theory of God's Kingdom being in the now, and the not-yet is a fairly new concept for me. But that is a completely different post!
So, here I am, 10 years later still dealing with Diabetes. I have gone through times of really good control of my blood sugars, and REALLY BAD control of my sugars. In fact I purposefully stopped taking my insulin for a period of time when I was really depressed. And through it all, I have not suffered any serious consequences. When I went back to my Dr. after refusing my body the insulin it needed she was amazed that I was alive. This never really hit home for me until this weekend.
I have been working on controling my blood sugars for a couple years now. But sometimes life just gets crazy and I forget something. On Saturday we had one of the kids' friends over and had gone swimming and out to lunch. It was, by anyone's standards, chaotic, and I forgot to take my insulin with lunch. After getting home I laid down for a nap. When I got up I wasn't feeling well, but I ignored it. We then went out for some errands with the family. I realized while we were out that I had high blood sugar and needed to take some insulin but waited until we got home. We were gone for about an hour and a half.
By the time I got home, I was very short of breath, felt like I was going to faint, thought I was going to vomit, every muscle in my body ached... It was bad. I knew that my body was going into DKA. (Diabetic Ketoacidosis) Now, this is what happens when a diabetis doesn't take their insulin: Your body thinks that it is starving because it can't access the sugars in your blood, it starts using stored fat for energy, the by product of this is Ketones which make your blood acidic, the Ketones then send your body into shut-down mode. As long as you catch it, you can stop the process, if you don't catch it soon enough, it will kill you.
I test my blood and my Ketones. My blood sugar is at 597. (Testers only go to 600.) Normal is less that 100, higher than 80. And I was spilling Large amounts of Ketones. (Not good.) I had gone for months in years past with my blood sugar staying between 300 and 600, I hadn't gone into DKA. I can't tell you how many times I've tested my blood sugar and had the tester just say "HI" because it was over 600. Only once have I started to go into DKA. So for me to start getting that sick after just missing one dose of insulin was really weird!
I was able to get on top of it without going into ER which was good. The next morning I'm at church and I have a brownie. Literally 15 minutes later I am getting short of breath and feeling faint...
"What is going on?"
I had been convicted a couple of weeks ago that I had stopped asking God to heal me. I had been disappointed that He had not healed me and had given up asking. I felt let down. But I was realizing that God didn't want me to stop asking. I'm not sure why.
So I'm talking to my Pastor's wife on Monday and she points out to me that maybe God was showing me what would ahve happened all of these years if He wasn't protecting me and keeping my body healthy and functioning. Even though I didn't see it, He was working on my behalf! And now that I have the mental health to be responsible and do the things that I am supposed to do, He is giving me the sight to see what He has been doing for me.
Wow. I hate this disease, and I do hope that God will one day take this from me. But I am so thankful that He got me through the last 10 years. Thank you God!
I was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes in the fall of 1996. I had previously had Gestational Diabetes with my first child and was pregnant with my second. I thought for sure the Dr.s were wrong and when I gave birth to my child the diabetes would go away, just like it did the first time. Regretfully, I was wrong. I didn't understand why it hadn't gone away or why God hadn't healed me.
I had learned growing up, that if you had enough faith, God could heal you. I now realize that there is nothing I can do, or not do that "makes" things happen with God. He is the one in control. Sometimes He heals, sometimes He doesn't. The whole theory of God's Kingdom being in the now, and the not-yet is a fairly new concept for me. But that is a completely different post!
So, here I am, 10 years later still dealing with Diabetes. I have gone through times of really good control of my blood sugars, and REALLY BAD control of my sugars. In fact I purposefully stopped taking my insulin for a period of time when I was really depressed. And through it all, I have not suffered any serious consequences. When I went back to my Dr. after refusing my body the insulin it needed she was amazed that I was alive. This never really hit home for me until this weekend.
I have been working on controling my blood sugars for a couple years now. But sometimes life just gets crazy and I forget something. On Saturday we had one of the kids' friends over and had gone swimming and out to lunch. It was, by anyone's standards, chaotic, and I forgot to take my insulin with lunch. After getting home I laid down for a nap. When I got up I wasn't feeling well, but I ignored it. We then went out for some errands with the family. I realized while we were out that I had high blood sugar and needed to take some insulin but waited until we got home. We were gone for about an hour and a half.
By the time I got home, I was very short of breath, felt like I was going to faint, thought I was going to vomit, every muscle in my body ached... It was bad. I knew that my body was going into DKA. (Diabetic Ketoacidosis) Now, this is what happens when a diabetis doesn't take their insulin: Your body thinks that it is starving because it can't access the sugars in your blood, it starts using stored fat for energy, the by product of this is Ketones which make your blood acidic, the Ketones then send your body into shut-down mode. As long as you catch it, you can stop the process, if you don't catch it soon enough, it will kill you.
I test my blood and my Ketones. My blood sugar is at 597. (Testers only go to 600.) Normal is less that 100, higher than 80. And I was spilling Large amounts of Ketones. (Not good.) I had gone for months in years past with my blood sugar staying between 300 and 600, I hadn't gone into DKA. I can't tell you how many times I've tested my blood sugar and had the tester just say "HI" because it was over 600. Only once have I started to go into DKA. So for me to start getting that sick after just missing one dose of insulin was really weird!
I was able to get on top of it without going into ER which was good. The next morning I'm at church and I have a brownie. Literally 15 minutes later I am getting short of breath and feeling faint...
"What is going on?"
I had been convicted a couple of weeks ago that I had stopped asking God to heal me. I had been disappointed that He had not healed me and had given up asking. I felt let down. But I was realizing that God didn't want me to stop asking. I'm not sure why.
So I'm talking to my Pastor's wife on Monday and she points out to me that maybe God was showing me what would ahve happened all of these years if He wasn't protecting me and keeping my body healthy and functioning. Even though I didn't see it, He was working on my behalf! And now that I have the mental health to be responsible and do the things that I am supposed to do, He is giving me the sight to see what He has been doing for me.
Wow. I hate this disease, and I do hope that God will one day take this from me. But I am so thankful that He got me through the last 10 years. Thank you God!
Sunday, March 4, 2007
A Whole Week?!
YES! It has been a whole week since I've posted. Worse than that, I don't think I even checked my e-mail all week! Needless to say it has been a crazy one.
First, let me say that I have really enjoyed having a piano to play! I am thrilled with how quickly the basics have some back to me. I have spent some time each day standing in front of my big picture window playing worship songs and singing. I over-did-it on Tuesday and hurt my left elbow and wrist. (I was diagnosed with Tennis Elbow about a year ago. It usually doesn't hurt me, but I also try to limit my time at the computer, and now at the piano, I guess.) So Tuesday night I was in a lot of pain. But it was worth it! I haven't gotten the chance to sit down with my guitar yet. I think I need to get my Dad to sit down with me to remind me of things. I played the piano longer as a child than I did the guitar as a teen. And so, even though the guitar was in more recent history, I don't remember it well.
Second let me say that I really enjoyed having the kids home on Friday! Snow days rock! I am bummed though that we couldn't make our trip to Iowa this weekend. We had planned to make the trip to Iowa as a family for a Friday night/Saturday conference through our church. The kids were really looking forward to staying at the hotel and swimming. Regretfully, the snow storm hit and I didn't want to risk their lives. Silly me. So, to make up for it, I took Mat and Charlie and one of his friends to see Bridge to Terabithia on Friday night. Oh, My... I cried my eyes out! And then on Saturday we went to the YMCA and swam for an hour or so. Then after going out to lunch we watched movies together. It really was a great weekend.
There is more to share, but I have to go get Charlie convinced that he really can sleep at night. :)
First, let me say that I have really enjoyed having a piano to play! I am thrilled with how quickly the basics have some back to me. I have spent some time each day standing in front of my big picture window playing worship songs and singing. I over-did-it on Tuesday and hurt my left elbow and wrist. (I was diagnosed with Tennis Elbow about a year ago. It usually doesn't hurt me, but I also try to limit my time at the computer, and now at the piano, I guess.) So Tuesday night I was in a lot of pain. But it was worth it! I haven't gotten the chance to sit down with my guitar yet. I think I need to get my Dad to sit down with me to remind me of things. I played the piano longer as a child than I did the guitar as a teen. And so, even though the guitar was in more recent history, I don't remember it well.
Second let me say that I really enjoyed having the kids home on Friday! Snow days rock! I am bummed though that we couldn't make our trip to Iowa this weekend. We had planned to make the trip to Iowa as a family for a Friday night/Saturday conference through our church. The kids were really looking forward to staying at the hotel and swimming. Regretfully, the snow storm hit and I didn't want to risk their lives. Silly me. So, to make up for it, I took Mat and Charlie and one of his friends to see Bridge to Terabithia on Friday night. Oh, My... I cried my eyes out! And then on Saturday we went to the YMCA and swam for an hour or so. Then after going out to lunch we watched movies together. It really was a great weekend.
There is more to share, but I have to go get Charlie convinced that he really can sleep at night. :)
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