So I was talking with a friend of mine today. We touched briefly on the topic of some things being considered a man's job, and others women's. She being single has a different view than I do having been married since I was 21. I went from my father and brother doing the "men's jobs" to my husband and now my own sons doing the "men's jobs". I recognize that I ahve a pretty old fashioned view of this and that the femenist movement has happened and all. But I think that there is also something to be said for certain roles.
I rely on my husband and boys to take out the garbage, mow the lawn, shovel the snow... but I also do the job if none of them are around or available. There is also a feeling in my marriage of my husband being the protector and provider for the family. I am a stay at home Mom and do not contribute to the financial side of life. But we (my husband and I) feel that the things that I DO with the kids and around the house is important. I do look to my husband to protect me and be my go-to guy.
What are your thoughts on this topic? I know that I kind of combined two things that are related to each other... but they are tumbled together in my mind right now. I am very interested in your opinions.
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5 comments:
So, why does being a stay-at-home parent have to be the mom's job? My stepbrother is a stay-at-home dad as when he and his wife decided to have children, she had the better paying career. It was a tough decision, but it has worked wonderfully for them and their two boys are bright, healthy, and just as happy as if they had a stay-at-home mom.
Women are just as capable of mowing the lawn, dealing with finances, and heck - changing the car's oil as a man is. Not every man is a MAN and can do things like fix a hole in the wall, build a deck or climb onto the roof to retrieve a frisbee; just like every woman is not always going to be able to cook well, know how to iron clothes, or change a diaper.
I'm not saying "throw out the sex roles," or anything. For most women - and even those who are NOT married - men are definitely the ones we look to for our feelings of security. I don't think it has anything to do with single or married, or working at home, or working outside of the home. While women do tend to be the weaker (fairer?) sex physically, somehow it's gotten into the minds that we are also mentally, and that's just not true. We are just as capable of doing business and making good decisions and knowing what to do in situations as a man. We are not weak-minded, just built physically weaker (well, some of us are!).
So when it comes to situations where either party is perfectly capable, perhaps the "sex roles" need to be discarded for the more "practical roles" for that specific situation.
Ok, you asked for it: I'll smack the hornets nest.
According to modern TV, woman rights advocates, and most of the judicial system: A mans role is to be abusive to women and children.
When I think about that; I'm glad I do not fit well into the manly man's role. To me, real men like spending time with thier children, are willing to change a diaper when needed, and can put on a bandaid.
Now, I know some of you stay at home ladies are worth you weight in gold but: I get really miffed when ladies start talking about the $ value of a woman at home. They say they are: housekeepers, nannys, bill processors, gardeners, etc.. etc.. etc.. and then ascribe the sum value of all the wages those would earn. Yet they see thier man as only doing what he does. I cry $%^&&.
Life is hard. It has gotten harder. It now frequently takes two incomes to afford a house alone. Forget the toys, etc.. that we all want.
The real question that a couple should ask: what works for us. To heck with the rules other people make.
Of course, then you run into the delema -- what if he wants x and she wants y? ugh. Cagamosis.
I grew up with traditional roles and I firmly believe in them. For me personally, I would rather stay at home and cook and clean and keep house and look after my kids while my husband works a job outside the home and takes care of the cars, the lawn and the house maintenence.
But as the Stones put it: "you can't always get what you want"
I DON'T think you need two incomes in today's world. I think if people want a more expensive lifestyle, then they can both be working jobs to afford it. But I think that if a couple decides what is best for their relationship, then they can make it work.
So if the wife wants to stay at home, then a smaller domicile and fewer "things" and greater sacrifices might be necessary. You don't have the nice new shiney car, but you get to be a home.
Can't have it all!
I think that if the woman wants to go to work and the man wants to be a stay at home dad...great! As long as they both are okay with that and don't feel resentful.
I disagree with DT in that modern society does not think men are abusive to women and children.
I think that with the husband being the head of the household...having to submit to his decisions can be hard. but God must have known what he was doing :-)
I think that there is a value to the roles of full-time care-giver to children, a housekeeper, cook, bill-payer, etc etc.
However, these are often not essentially. Each of these jobs can be hired out to someone outside the home or done after the "work" day is done. Therefore, I consider giving my wife the option of staying home to be a priviledge. I am proud to say that my wife is a housekeeper. If she told me that she wanted to work outside the home, I would support her decision. If things changed and money was tight (OK, tighter than it is now), I might have to remove that priviledge and ask her to work outside the home.
The fact, as I see it, is that there are roles that the gender typically are drawn to. Not all people are the same, so some women will want to work outside the home even when the husband is able to provide enough finacially. And some men may want to dedicate themselves to keeping a house and raising children. In the end, it depends on the individuals involved and the chemistry between them.
I appreciate all of your views and opinions. I know this was a "hornets nest" and so appreciate that you were willing to voice said opinions.
It has been pointed out to me that I am not as independant as I was when we first got married. I find this interesting to ponder. Have I become too dependant on Chris? Do I look to him or expect him to do things that I could/should be doing? (This is a rhetorical question. I'm not looking for you to answer this one for me.) This is a good thing to take a look at.
If I come to any profound revelations I'll let you all know.
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