Ella

So, my family has been cat sitting since October. She is a wonderful cat! But this morning I discovered that she got out of the house and she has not returned yet. I am sad and worried about her. I'm really hoping htat she finds her way back to the house or someone picks her up and takes her to the shelter. Not only is she a great cat, but how will Matthew feel if I have lost his cat! God, please bring her back to us!!

Heading out

So... I meant to get back on the other day and post... now I can't remember what it was I was going to tell you about!!

In regards to D.'s post on friends: (I couldn't comment on your blog for some reason) Friendships are a treasure in life. There are few things that I deem as important as a true friend. God is one, and family is the other. Without those three, life would be impossible.

To my dear friends, Thank you for your friendship over the years, through my ups and downs, through my insanities, for loving my children and my husband, and for being there to talk to or cry on when needed.

To copy my friend: The un-blog

I have spent this morning reading comments, replying to those, reading my other friends' blogs and commenting there. I think I'm ready to post something fun and light-hearted... I'll do that later today. Love you all!

Personal rights

A friend of mine mentioned to me today that we have no "rights" with God. Everything that we have is given to us by God out of His grace.

Wow... What a thought. I think this one deserves some consideration.

Our culture and society is all about our freedoms and rights. Yet I see over and over in the Bible men and women of God laying down their lives to do what God tells them to do. And yet, I also believe that God wouldn't want us to be wimps, and be controlled or manipulated by other people.

What does this mean in our lives? What does giving God full control of my life look like? What does obedience to His word look like? At what point do I stop turning the other cheek?

And, yes... I know this is another potential hornet's nest. But I value your opinions.

Why?

I don't know exactly what I'm going to write about today. It has been a hard week. I wish that I understood God better. I heard someone say once, "If God can do anything, why doesn't he stop suffering?" I have come to realize that suffering brings us closer to God and that through our trials we learn our most important lessons. But there are some things that really don't seem necessary to my human mind. I know Isiah says that our thoughts are not God's thoughts and neither are God's ways our ways. As the Heavens are high above the earth so are God's ways higher that ours.

But if God has the power and ability to change events and people's hearts... It is hard for me to understand some of the current events in my friends' lives. I guess I feel like what I have always thought was reality is being proven wrong to me. God gives and takes away. And there doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason for either.

I always thought that if you were in "right standing" with God, and you were praying and following his commandments to the best of your ability that you would be protected. Someone said if Jesus suffered, how can I expect better? How can I expect not to suffer? Because God says He loves us! Because He is a Good God! He also says that he will provide for our needs and watch over us. That we can hide in the safety of his wing! So why is there so much hurt? Why don't His angles stand guard and keep evil men away from us? Why doesn't God make more direct changes to our world? Free choice isn't all its cracked up to be.

Men's jobs vs. Women's jobs

So I was talking with a friend of mine today. We touched briefly on the topic of some things being considered a man's job, and others women's. She being single has a different view than I do having been married since I was 21. I went from my father and brother doing the "men's jobs" to my husband and now my own sons doing the "men's jobs". I recognize that I ahve a pretty old fashioned view of this and that the femenist movement has happened and all. But I think that there is also something to be said for certain roles.

I rely on my husband and boys to take out the garbage, mow the lawn, shovel the snow... but I also do the job if none of them are around or available. There is also a feeling in my marriage of my husband being the protector and provider for the family. I am a stay at home Mom and do not contribute to the financial side of life. But we (my husband and I) feel that the things that I DO with the kids and around the house is important. I do look to my husband to protect me and be my go-to guy.

What are your thoughts on this topic? I know that I kind of combined two things that are related to each other... but they are tumbled together in my mind right now. I am very interested in your opinions.

Diabetes is Kicking my Behind

So I went into my Internal Medicine Doctor yesterday to check up on how I'm doing. She comes into the room and asks me how I think I'm doing... Never a good sign...

Well, I think I'm doing okay. I haven't been keeping up with my Lantus (long acting insulin), but I've been tryihng pretty hard on the Humalog (fast acting insulin). "Well, it's not good. Your last A1c was at a 9. This one is over 13."

I am shocked! I thought for sure it hadn't gotten worse! I was hoping for something better! So we go through all of the regular stuff. I know what I have to do I just don't be able to do it. But my good friend D. had a great suggestion for me. I take Ambien at night to sleep. If I don't take it, I don't sleep. So I don't forget to take my Ambien. If I take my Ambien and tape it to my Lantus, that will remind me every night when I need to take my insulin. Why haven't I done this before? Well... I have my meds by my bed now so that I take them as I'm going to bed and my morning ones are right there ready to go in the morning. Once I'm up and going about the business of the day, I forget to stop and take my meds. So I wanted to put my Lantus by my Ambien. But Latnus HAS to stay refrigerated! DUH! Take the Ambien to the Lantus! It isn't like I can say, "Aww, I don't want to get up and go out there to take my meds. I'm too tired, cuz I can't sleep without them! I don't know what I didn't switch that around years ago.

So... A big thank you to D. You have made my life easier, and healthier, and probably added life to my body.

Going back... "13!" I can't believe it. I'm in shock. I didn't even know what to say. So I'm going back the end of June and we'll see if I have been able to change my numbers. The hard thing is that this isn't a change for three months... This is a new way to live my life. This is a new decision every hour of every day. Do I test now or later? Do I have a cookie that was set out for a light snack? And if I do, do I take the 2 units of insulin to cover it? It would be easier to forego the cookie. Do I go on the walk with my neighbor? What's my blood sugar right now? Will I drop during the walk? Should I eat a quick granola bar? Then how much insulin do I take for that bar? I'll be burning off some of the carbs with the exercize... And we won't even mention what a woman's cycle does to my blood sugars!

Well... You get my point. I haven't been living the life I am supposed to. I need to be more meticulous about my diabetes care. I guess I still struggle with denial at times. Does that ever go away? I hope so. I think I go in phases now. Hopefully this will be a good phase that will stretch out a LONG time. :) So look for my new A1c level in June. We'll see if I go up or down. (BTW, A1c is your longterm bloodsugar levels. They want my A1c to be under 7. Chris has told me that if that happens I get to have another baby!!! as in thats how likely it is that i'll get my A1c that low. :()

Okay, I'm not sure if I can still put coherant thoughts together as my Ambien is really kicking in now. So, night-night!